People center their lives on many different things: kindness, popularity, health, their career, education and more. Kindness benefits others and the individuals who practice it, and I believe it is a very important way to live life.

How kindness benefits others, or ourselves when we receive it can help us understand how to be better people and why that is meaningful. The book “Married for Life” is a blending of quotes, advice and Bible verses related to dozens of couples who have reached the Golden Anniversary of at least 50 years of marriage.

Many of its advice involves bonding and expression devotion and affection regularly. This differs from most dating advice which suggests playing hard to get. While I understand missing someone or something when it is not constantly available, I’ve found the love that is always there, of God or a good friend, means more in the end. This encourages me to keep in mind when I interact with others. That is benefits relationships enough to preserve them for 50 years or more is also promising of the good effects of goodness and kindness.

One of my favorite Bible verses is 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.”

Love is elevated in our culture, yet it is important we know how to put it into practice. All of these adjectives put others before self. In essence that is what being a good person is about, not just for the good of self but for the good of others. When I refrain from being angry or self-centered and share kind or gentle words instead, I find it fosters love, giving others a more secure environment to feel accepted in and a habit of both people treating each other and others they interact with well also because each act of love inspires more.

Selflessness and putting others first is also supported by science. A 1998 study by Roy Baumeister and Brad Bushman required 540 undergraduate volunteers to write a paragraph. Each student received either praise or criticism. Afterwards, each subject could “assault their opponent with noise” of any intensity for each duration, more noise meaning more aggression. Those criticized were three times more intense with their audio.

“Conceited, self-important individuals turn nasty toward those who puncture their bubbles of self-love,” Baumeister said.

For those still concerned about the approval of others, they can find it still while being kind.

According to Proverbs 3:3-4, “Do not let kindness and truth leave you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart. So you will find favor and good repute in the sight of God and man.”

Even if others are unhappy with each other, conflict can better be managed when treating others well instead of escalating a fight. Typically when people are treated well, they want to treat others well back. Even not speaking when someone may say something that would usually cause discontent can reduce that chance of hurting others and in doing that preventing hurting ourselves.

For its benefit to others and oneself,  I believe being good and kind is something important and valuable to practice every day.