Recently, I’ve seen a lot of drama between my friends, myself included. But my friends and I have a great system to solve all our quarrels. Here are some tips for when you get into a fight with your friends:

1. Don’t talk to them about it. Don’t ask them how they feel, don’t tell them how you feel, don’t explain your perspective and don’t have them explain theirs. It takes too much time to talk about feelings. Plus, talking about your feelings and what happened never gets anyone to see eye to eye.
2. Talk about it with all your other friends, especially the ones who are friends with the person you’re fighting with. And be sure to be the first person to talk to your friends. That way, when the other person starts to explain their story, your friends already know and believe your side. When they go to talk about you, your friends will back you up and tell them that their argument is invalid and that they are in the wrong. It also makes it less messy if you bring more people into the argument, even if it’s a matter only between two people.
3. Pretend like everything’s alright between you two. You don’t want them to know that what happened is not a big deal to you. By keeping silent about it, you make them feel like their emotions are uncalled for, like they have no reason to be mad at you.
4. If you do end up having to talk to them about it, use words like “always” and “never.” Even if they don’t “always” do this, or “never” do that, they will feel bad about how they’ve treated you and realize what an awful friend they’ve been to you.
5. Don’t give real examples. Giving actual examples will only allow them to think about their reasoning behind what they did. You can avoid this by saying they “always do this” and “I can’t even give you an example right now.” Don’t worry if it undermines your argument, they will still feel like bad about it even if you don’t give an example.
6. Never, under any circumstances, apologize. That’s just too easy. Instead of being the bigger person, make sure they know you don’t think you should apologize and that any reasoning they have to make you apologize is uncalled for because they are wrong.
7. Don’t hold back. Even if they’re close to tears and their voice is quivering, tell them you have no reason to apologize. Tell them that you don’t care how they feel. Give them no leeway to working things out. Make them feel like it’s all their fault. That way, they are the ones who apologize and make you feel better, even if they’re still upset, or if you make them feel worthless.

With these tips, hopefully you and your friends will be able to work everything out much easier.