Bread slicing bagels is blasphemy

Back to Article
Back to Article

Bread slicing bagels is blasphemy

Travis Bodell, Editor-in-Chief

Hang on for a minute...we're trying to find some more stories you might like.

Email This Story

1.) Going against nature

Slicing bagels vertically completely defeats the purpose of the delicious breakfast carb being shaped the way it is. The bagel’s relatively flat, wide stature makes a perfect foundation for a sandwich. Cutting it into slices can be described as nothing other than blasphemy.

2.) Don’t waste your cheese, please

Typically, bagel consumers spread a hefty glob of butter, cream cheese or whatever they so please on each half of the bagel. Thin slices leave a lot more surface area to slather with cream cheese, which can waste your beloved spread at an exponential rate.

3.) Slicing causes staleness

One of the many perks of bagels is their inherent freshness. They can put in the freezer and kept edible for an even longer duration of time. Slicing bagels in this manor severely decreases the amount of time they are able to be eaten.

4.) You shouldn’t try this at home

Bread Co. is fully equipped with a bread slicer, which is how this bagel phenomenon came to be. The average suburban household isn’t likely to have this same luxury, and attempting this thin-slice bagel technique with a kitchen knife can, and will, end catastrophically.

5.) Fixing what isn’t broken

Since their invention in 1683, bagels have been a reliable and convenient food for early-morning consumption, whether it be on the go or at home. The perfection of the bagel should not be meddled with, and doing so is sacrilegious.

Do you approve of bread sliced bagels?

View Results

Loading ... Loading ...